Harry Potter and the Forbidden List
by El Pepe
Summary: There is a list in Hogwarts more forbidden then anything else in the world. And this list is not to be used as a checklist. Insipered by the "730 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts" list. H/HR main ship, other secondary ships.
1. Bricks, Gandalf, and Who Kissed a Girl

**Harry Potter and the Forbidden List**

**(A/N: After the news I have received this past week, I need something light and so stupid it's funny. Demon of Time should have an update before the end of the month, and a new story will be posted on AFF[DOT]Net under the same screen-name by the end of next month, more to follow on that in the A/Ns. Anyways, I got this idea from the 730 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts which will forever more be referred to as THE LIST in this story. As always, I don't own Harry Potter, Pink Floyd, The Wizard of Oz, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, I Kissed A Girl, THE LIST, or the $2,750,000 it would take to bail out Jeff Denby so I could rip him apart limb by limb for beating my ex-fiancée's son almost to death, the sick excuse of a human.)**

It was a dark and stormy night...wait, no...let's start again.

It was a bright and sunny day...sounds better...when fifteen-year old Harry Potter was walking towards Dumbledore's office with his Head of House walking besides him. He had no idea why he was being forced...asked, to go to the Headmaster's office. It wasn't like he had done anything wrong...in the past three minutes.

"We're off to see the wizard...the wonderful wizard of Oz." Harry started to sing under his breath.

"Don't sing that, Mr. Potter." his Head of House, Professor McGonagall, said humorlessly. "And I would also like to say that the way you answered me was not proper.

"But also true." Harry said, looking at her. "I do have it on good authority that you do not have any evidence linking me towards any of the...mysterious things that have been happening to the first years...damn midgets..."

"Mr. Potter...this has to do with your little...stunt...in the Potion's Classroom."

"Oh..." he muttered before he started to giggle...in a manly way.

INSERT LINE HERE

"Today, we will be learning the proper ways of creating potions due to new Ministry rules." Sniv...Professor Severus Snape said, looking at the class. "However, I do not believe that you can actually grasp anything of the fine art, so I am going to refuse to teach it to you, do you all understand." he said, not asked.

"Oh, I understand perfectly." Harry said, standing up, pulling a Fender Stratocaster from his backpack.

"Mr. Potter, what the hell are you doing with that guitar in my Potion's Classroom?" Snape asked, vaguely remembering the guitar from his own time as a student.

"Something that should have been done a long time ago..." he said, jumping up on the desk. He quickly took out a mic and a guitar cable and plugged both into conveniently placed 1/4" and XLR plug-ins in the school PA system, much to everyone's amazement at having never noticed them before.

"Harry, how in the hell did you...?" Hermione started before trailing off as she saw Harry suddenly sporting long hair and a shirt with two marching hammers on it. She briefly looked at her cauldron and the ingredients surrounding it, wondering what was causing her to see things.

"We don't need no...education." Harry started to sing, briefly strumming the guitar. Everyone was in quiet shock, hearing his voice travel throughout the castle. "We don't need no...thought control." he said, sending a glare at Draco. "No dark sarcasm...in the classroom." he said, sending a cold glare at Snape. "Teacher, leave those kids alone." he said before snapping his head back to the floating mic. "HEY! Teacher! Leave those kids alone!" he yelled, starting to get into the song in full. "All in all, you're just another...brick in the wall. All in you're just another...brick in the-"

"HARRY POTTER!!!"

"Shit..." he muttered, turning towards his Head of House. "I have it under good authority that you have no evidence."

"Headmaster's Office. **NOW**!!!" she yelled, the bolding, uppercaseing, and underlining of the word evident in her voice.

"Double shit..." he muttered, packing up his stuff before leaving, the rest of the class looking in a mix of disbelief and shock at what they had just saw.

LINE LINE LINE

"Lemon Drops." McGonagall said when the reached the Headmaster's office. The rode up the staircase and knocked on the door, getting permission to enter.

"Gandalf, my Liege, you have requested me?" Harry said, dropping to one knee while bowing lowly, trying to keep a straight face. "Galadriel of Lorien has said you would be requesting my presence soon."

"Get up, Harry." Gan...Dumbledore said harshly, pointing towards a chair. "And while you're at it, would you mind telling me exactly _why_ you decided to get up in front of Professor Snape's class and sing from The Wall?"

"Why do you want to know?" Harry said, counting with a question of his own.

"Answer the question, Harry."

"These aren't the droids you're looking for." he countered, waving his hand in front of him in a slow arch. He watched in amusement as Dumbledore sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I don't have time for humor, Harry. You disrupted every class being taught with this act. An act that none of the staff found at all humorous, especially not Professor Snape."

"He just needs to get laid." he said under his breath, but loud enough for the other two to hear.

"Get out, Mr. Potter." Dumbledore said, finally reaching the point of a headache. "No more unauthorized concerts."

"Yes, Gandalf the White." Harry said quickly before running out of the room.

"Why did I ever help Tolkien with that book...?" Dumbledore muttered to himself, completely ignoring McGonagall as he reached into a bag of "special" lemon drops.

IN A GALAXY FAR FAR A...wait, nevermind

It was a nervous Severus Snape who was kneeling before the Dor...Dark Lord Voldemort. He knew that if this was not taken the right way, it would result in his death.

"Speak, my spy." Voldemort said, looking down at Snape.

"My Lord, I believe I know of that power that Potter is supposed to have."

"What is it, my spy?" Voldemort asked, looking glad at the news. "I know that those two fools believe it is love, but what they don't know will not hurt me."

"It is music, my Lord."

"What?" Voldemort asked, deadpanned.

"Potter has the gift of guitar shredding, my Lord."

"Guitar shredding."

"Yes my Lord." Snape said, still bowing low. "He came into class and played a song with what I believe has been no practice, since no one has ever seen him with a guitar. If he is good enough to play a song with no practice, then with practice he will be able to beat anyone."

"Guitar shredding."

"Yes, my Lord. A truly deadly power."

"Guitar shredding." Voldemort muttered again, for the first time believing that he might have finally gone to far with his use of the cruciatus curse.

INSERT ANOTHER LINE HERE

Harry was walking back towards the Gryffindor common room when he was ambushed by his girlfriend and love of his life and only reason for living, Hermione Granger, and his best friend Ron Weasley.

"Harry!" Ron yelled out, running up to him. "Bloody hell, mate, what the hell did you do in there?"

"Sang a song, Ron, like I already told you." Hermione said, slapping the redhead over the head before turning to Harry and a scowl, causing his "fight or flight" mode to start up before she smiled nicely. "Harry, my love." she said sweetly, causing him to grow even more nervous then he was when facing Voldemort.

"Yes, my dear?" he asked, keeping his voice as even as he could when all he wanted to do was Run Like Hell. _Hey,_ he thought, _I could try and get them to make that the Gryffindor Quidditch team theme song._

"Harry, my one true love," she said softly with a smile which quickly turned into a scowl, "would you like to tell me exactly **_WHY_** you decided to do that!?!" she finished with a yell.

"Well...uh..." he muttered, thinking fast. "At least I didn't yell out that Pansy was singing 'I Kissed A Girl' in the showers the other day."

"Harry, I can't believe that you saw it fit to do that in cl...wait, what!?" she yelled, looking at him glaring. "And how in the hell do you know this Harry James Potter!?" she yelled while Ron started to walk away from behind her. "And don't you go anywhere, Ron. Odds are you had something to do with this as well!" she yelled, not even bothering to turn around.

"Well..." Harry started, his eyes going unfocused for a moment

INSTER HAZY FLASHBACK STARTER HERE

It was late at night when Harry felt a hand shaking his shoulder roughly, a voice yelling at him to wake up. Other voices soon followed, and he knew that none of them belonged to whom he wanted to talk to.

"Why are you waking me up?" Harry asked, opening his eyes.

"Harry...you've got to see what we got for the new Voldie's Angels calender."

"It can wait till morning." he said, lying back into his bed. "You woke me from a very nice dream of Hermione covered in chocolate sauce and whipped cream with three cherries."

"No, you have got to see this, Harry." Neville said, dragging him up and out of the bed.

"Fine, what do I need to see?"

"You'll never believe it." Ron said, placing a pair of Omniculars and pushed the playback button. A large display was set up and connected to them, which quickly showed the Prefects bathroom and a girl showering alone in it.

"Who's that?" Harry asked, putting his glasses on.

"Pansy." Dean replied.

"You've woken me up to watch Pansy take a shower?" Harry asked deadpanned.

"No, this is why." Seamus said, pointing towards the display while pushing the audio button.

"This was never the way I planned. Never my intention. I got so brave, drink in hand. Lost my discretion." she sang.

"What the hell is she singing?" Harry asked, looking at the display. "It sounds familiar, but I can't place it."

"Shut up...here's the chorus." Ron said, putting the volume up.

"I kissed a girl and I liked it." she sang.

"What...the fuck?" Harry muttered.

"Shut up!" the others yelled.

"The taste of her cherry chapstick. I kissed a girl just to try it. I hope my boyfriend don't mind it. It felt so wrong. It felt so right. Don't mean I'm in love tonight. I kissed a girl and I liked it. I liked it."

"We have GOT to record two girls kissing." Harry said, wondering what it would look like to see Hermione kissing another girl. Maybe Luna or Daphne.

"No shit." the others said as they watched Pansy continue her shower while singing.

BACK TO THE FUTURE...er...PRESENT

"So let me get this straight..." Hermione started, looking at them. "You heard it from one of the Syltherin first-years that they heard Pansy singing 'I Kissed a Girl' in the showers."

"Yep." they both said, not looking her in the eye.

"I don't believe either of you." she said, turning to walk away. "Oh, and Harry." she said, turning to face him. "Don't ever expect me to kiss a girl in front of you for your pleasure." she said, turning back around, adding a sway to her walk.

"Harry...what just happened?" Ron asked, his eyes glued to Hermione's ass...ets.

"I have no idea." Harry said, his eyes also glued to his girlfriend. "By the way, if you continue perving after her, I'll kill you."

"I know Harry, but I'll die with a smile on my face and a hard-"

"Don't finish it." Harry said, walking after Hermione.


	2. Whippy, Bob, and a Muggle, oh my

**Harry Potter and the Forbidden List**

**(A/N: Don't own Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, those fuckers at the DMCA, Pink Floyd, or THE LIST. Nor do I own the murdering bastard's head on a stake, much as I wish I did. The Star-Spangled Banner, however, is public domain. I don't know about Jimi's solo though...)**

Harry once again found himself in the presence of his Head of House walking towards Dumbledore's office. As they walked, he started to hum the Theme of Rohan, knowing that he was no longer to sing from The Wizard of Oz after he was brought in the other day.

"Stop that humming, Mr. Potter." McGonagall said sternly, glaring down at him. "I'd also like to remind you that the way you decided to greet me today was worse the yesterday's greeting."

"I saw nothing wrong with it, Professor." Harry said, trying to keep his laughter in.

"Greeting me by saying 'What's new pussycat?' is not appropriate, Mr. Potter!" she yelled, well aware that he was trying to keep from laughing. "So was your little concert, which if I recall the Headmaster specifically told you never to hold without permission to preform one."

"But I did have permission, Professor McGonagall." Harry said, pointing towards the blond girl on the other side of his Head of House. "Galadriel of Lorien gave me permission to have the concert in the Great Hall as well as permission to charge one hundred galleons per ticket."

"And it was a fun concert, Harry Potter." the blond said, smiling at him.

"Miss Lovegood is **_NOT_** Galadriel of Lorien, Mr. Potter!" McGonagall yelled, turning to face him as they continued to walk towards the Headmaster's office. "Neither is she allowed to give a student permission in lieu of a professor!"

"So I shouldn't have given Neville permission to grow the daughter of Whippy?"

"Whippy?" McGonagall asked, looking at the young girl. "Who is this 'Whippy'?"

"The tree that is growing outside there." she said, absently pointing out the window towards the Whomping Willow.

"He's growing another Whomping Willow...?"

"What's an another Whomping Willow?" Luna asked, looking McGonagall with a dreamy expression on her face while Harry tried he damn hardest not to burst out laughing.

"I will need to speak with Mr. Longbottom after this meeting." she said, coming up to the Headmaster's office with a look of relief. "Lemon Drop."

"So I can't tell the first years that they can sacrifice another first year to Bob on the night before a full moon in order to keep the werewolves from entering the castle?" she asked, causing McGonagall to stop mid-step.

"You what!?" she yelled, rounding on Luna. "And who's this 'Bob'?"

"You know, he lives in the Black Lake, has long arms, kinda shy, dating a-"

"Go up to the Headmaster's Office you two, I need to go have a talk with a few people." McGonagall said, walking off quickly while muttering about insane blond girls.

"Let's go, Harry Potter." Luna said, pulling on Harry's hand. He sighed before walking up the staircase with her, knocking on the door at the top.

"Enter." the voice said. Harry opened the door and they both walked in to find Dumbledore seated in his chair, a bag of lemon drops in his hands and a large stack of papers on his desk. "Do you know why you are here today, Harry?" he asked in an almost bored voice.

"Is it because I broke the DMCA?" he asked, looking at the old man.

"The what?" Dumbledore asked while Luna started to whistle Money.

"The Digital Millennium Copyright Act that won't be put into effect for another few years. It means that anyone who does anything with digital multimedia can and will be sued for ungodly amounts of money and be thrown in jail for untold amounts of time for no reason. People who use YouTube will suffer the most from it by seeing home-made music videos or music added to videos that will have no audio because of it. A new military faction will rise up and overthrow the governments that support the DMCA and establish a new world order where the DMCA is actually upheld in a correct and legal manner." he said, getting Dumbledore, who had gone crossed-eyed, to look at him in shock. "At least that's what she said she saw." he said, point towards Luna who only smiled and nodded her head before going back to whistling Money.

"Uh...no." he said, trying to uncross his eyes. "Where here to discuss your unauthorized concert you held in the Great Hall this afternoon."

"Was it because I brought in a muggle, used a duplicating charm on him, and then changed the lyrics to almost all the songs to suit my needs?"

"What?"

THE SHOW

"Hermione, why are we here again?" Ron asked, looking around the Great Hall that was filled with people, not even a third of which were students. Most of them seemed to be just random people, including several other magical creatures.

"We are here because I got a note saying that you and I have a backstage pass to meet with Harry after he's done with Dumbledore yelling at him because of this concert." she said, looking up at the stage. Though she publicly had to be angry with him because of his disregard to the rules, she did have to admit, he did go all out with this concert.

"Hey, people are starting to come out onto the stage!" she heard someone yell. Everyone started to cheer as several men walked out onto the stage dressed in dark blue jeans and black t-shirts. They all had long brown hair with a bushy red beard and wore RayBan sunglasses. It was the fact that they were to similar that caused Hermione to pause.

"They...they're the same person!" she yelled out, her yell muted by the every cheering crowd.

DUMBLEDORE

"So you used a duplicating charm on a muggle author/musician who could play all of the songs you wanted to sing, as well change the lyrics for you?"

"Yep." Harry said, looking at him. "The muggle was able to play all instruments, as well as write. He mainly writes short fan fictions in between working on his first few novels."

"And you saw fit to break the Statue of Secrecy for this concert?"

"No." Harry said, shaking his head while he crossed his fingers behind his back. "I got him extremely high and told him it was just a dream, and that he would be playing everything at one time."

"Get on with it."

"Well, after he walked out onto the stage..."

THE SHOW

"Look, they're starting to play!" another random person yelled out as the person on stage started to play the opening to a song, causing Hermione to groan when she recognized it. Leave it to Harry to start playing The Wall again. After they played the opening, she heard Harry's disembodied voice start to sing.

"So ya, thought ya, might like to...join a dark lord."

"Oh no...he wouldn't..." she muttered, realizing he was changing the lyrics.

"To feel the cold thrill of pleasure, that a crucio can show."

"He's not going to..." she continued to mutter, looking around to find most people in a trance.

"I've got some bad news for you lessbloods. Harry isn't well, he's back in the infirmary."

"Oh no...he is going to do it..." she said, waiting for the explosion.

"And he sent us along, as a surrogate band, and tonight we're going to find out where you really stand!"

"Oh hell..." she said she as he threw off his invisibility cloak and spotlights started to roam the crowd..

"Are there any mudbloods in the Great Hall tonight? GET THEM UP AGAINST THE WALL!"

"Gainst. The. Wall." the backing vocals said, their identical voices conforming Hermione's guess.

"There's one in the spotlight, he don't look right to me! GET HIM UP AGAINST THE WALL!"

"Gainst. The."

"And that one looks like a half-blood! And that one's a coon! Who let all these pathetic squibs in the room! There's one trying to eat candy! And that one's got warts! If I had my way, I'd have all of you crucioed!" he yelled as large explosions rocked the stage, with the crowd, all mixed together, jumping up and cheering, Hermione amongst them. All of the muggle-borns and the half-bloods knew what he was doing. They had all heard The Wall before. The rest, well, they had no idea what Harry was doing or why the people he just said he'd want to crucio were cheering for him.

DUMBLEDORE

"So let me get this straight." he said, looking at Harry. "Not only did you break our world's highest law, but you also broke the copyright laws on every song you played this evening? I'm truly disappointed in you, Harry."

"Well, there was one song I didn't change the words to." he replied, looking at him.

"And what, might I ask, was that song Harry?"

"Well..."

THE SHOW

Hermione looked up as the stage went black, causing the crowd to yell out and cheer as they finished very unique version of the song _Comfortably Numb_. She knew that she would never be able to hear that song again and not think of this version she had just heard. One thing was truly getting to her though. She knew that Harry was playing only songs done by Pink Floyd, and so far he had not touched on any of the songs relating to a parent. She was starting to wonder if Harry wasn't going to redo one of the songs when a stage light appeared over one of the duplicates holding a Fender Stratocaster a moment before he started to play a very familiar guitar intro. She felt the starting of tears sting her eyes, knowing that this was one song he probably would not change at all. Harry was lit up once he started his opening solo, now playing an acoustic guitar. Everyone was shocked, including herself, when not Harry started to sing, but the man playing the electric guitar.

"So...so you think you can tell. Heaven from Hell. Blue skies from pain. Can you tell a green field, from a cold steel rail. A smile from a veil. So you think you can tell." he sang, his voice raw with emotion, getting the crowd to look up in shock before Harry started to sing.

"And did they get you trade? Your heroes for ghost? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? Did you exchange, a walk on part in the war...for a lead role, in a cage?" he sang, his voice also raw with emotion before they went into playing the interlude, Harry hitting the vocal range for the solo. The crowd was now into the song in full as a screen was lowered behind the stage and the words came up. "Everyone sing this." he said, walking up to his mic as the other guitarist walked up with him, the other musicians walking up to their own mics.

"How I wish, how I wish you were. We're just, two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year!" Harry and the guitarist sang into the same mic, the emotions raw in their faces and voices as the crowd sang along, the ones who knew the song singing it with their eyes closed as they swayed to the music. "Running over the same old ground, what have we found? Same old fear. Wish you were here." they sang before stepping back from the mic.

As they continued to play on into the third solo, pictures started to play on the screen of Lily and James, growing up in various scenes before it showed a non-moving picture of them with their date of birth and date of death flashing before the pictures changed to show that of a young boy. The pictures were mainly of him and never seemed to move on in great lengths like the ones of Lily and James. When the last still picture came up with a date of birth and a date of death, they knew why when it showed the boy to have been only eighteen months old.

It finally wound back down to the duplicate guitarist playing the main rhythm figure, the lights dimmed back down to just him, the screen being drawn back up into the ceiling of the Great Hall before the stage went dark again as he finished the song, his voice and whispering into the crowd amongst the cheering.

"How we wish they were here."

DUMBLEDORE

"And what was this...a 'Jimi Hendrix' situation that you started?" he asked, looking at Harry.

"Well, it's not my fault that they didn't like Hendrix's solo of the Star-Spangled Banner." Harry said, causing Luna to start to hum it, complete with the thrown-in sounds that Hendrix had put in.

"Just...leave, Harry." Dumbledore said, reaching back for his bag of _special_ lemon drops. "I'm getting another headache."

"Okay, Headmaster." Harry said, jumping up and running out, Luna following him.

"I wonder if Sirius told him about The Li..." he started before trailing off. "No, I'm sure he's never heard about it." he said, nodding his head as if to make himself believe it. "Still...wouldn't hurt to up the wards on it."

**(A/N2: My ex's eighteen-month old son died on June 22, beaten to death by her live-in boyfriend. It's affected my writing style, as I'm sure the end of this shows. I'm fixing Demon of Time to make it less dark, because it got far to dark quicker then I wanted it to. That should be out no later then the end of the week. Other news on my AFF Harry Potter Story, _Harry Potter and the Head of Black_ will most likely be mentioned in that update. As always, Read and Review, makes the author happy. Next time, Hermione berates Harry and someone...interesting...finds THE LIST.)**


	3. The Dark Wizard Card Game, A WWW Product

**Harry Potter and the Forbidden List**

**(A/N: Don't own anything. I don't even own my guitars. Owned my Strat, but had to sale it and give the money to my parents. Don't even own the laptop I'm writing this on right now. So obviously, I don't own Harry Potter, THE LIST, or anything else I may steal...I mean "_borrow_" for this story. Read and Review, makes the author happy.)**

Harry walked back into the Gryffindor common rooms, a mischievous smirk on his face while whistling a tune he heard on the WWN the other day. He absently gave the password to the Fat Lady and walked into the common room, entering as a conversation was going on between the boys.

"...on Jeremy!?" Ron yelled, looking at the card in front of him. "What kinda name is that!?" he yelled, getting the half-bloods and the muggleborns to snicker. "That's not the name that a Dark Lord would use...is it?"

"Better then the card I pulled." Neville said, looking up. "I got a Dark Enforcer named Peter Nor-"

"What's going on in here?" Harry asked, looking at the deck of cards that they were drawing from.

"It's a new game that the twins came up with." Ron said, looking up. "Great show, btw." he said, literally saying the letters instead of the words 'by the way'.

"Err...thanks mate." he said, looking down at the deck of cards. He shrugged and reached down, picking up the top card and turned it over. He saw the name and tried his damn hardest not to lose his cool and burst out laughing when he recognized the name on the card.

"Who you get?" Ron asked, looking at him.

"The White Wizard, Rodney Moo-"

"_**HARRY JAMES POTTER!!!**_" he heard Hermione yell, causing him to flinch. He could hear in her voice just how angry she was at him. So, like the Gryffindor he was, he swallowed his common sense and his not-so-common sense that were screaming "RUN!!!" and turned to look at her. He smiled at her, knowing that he was about to die.

"Hi Baby." he said, hoping his death would be quick and relatively painless. He knew it was asking for to much.

"Don't you dare 'Hi Baby' me, mister!" she yelled, getting him to flinch. "After that bloody stunt you pulled, I should expel you if you weren't the Head Boy! Hell, I should expel you anyays!"

"Now, 'Mione, let's not get all hasty and say things that we don't really mean." he said hoping to postpone his own death.

"I should castrate you for the laws you just broke, Harry James Potter!" she yelled, getting every male to cross their legs except for Harry, who simply lowered his hands to his crotch to protect his family jewels. In doing so, he dropped the card, getting Hermione to track it with her eyes. "What is that?"

"Oh, it's just a card from this card game that the twins came up with." Ron said, showing his general stupidity when he should be keeping his mouth firmly shut. "Draw a card and see what it does Herms."

"Don't. Call. Me. **HERMS!!!**" she yelled, looking at him. "Call me that name again and I'll castrate you as well!"

"Sorry." he said, closing his legs even tighter as she walked over to the table, picking up a card. She turned it over and started to read aloud.

"The White Lady Abby Win..." she said, stopping as her face started to grow red in rage.

"Hermione, remember." Harry said, looking at her. "They're purebloods, they don't know what they are doing." Harry said in hopes of saving his soon to be dead friends.

"You sick fucking perverts!" she yelled, wandlessly blowing up the cards, and the table, and part of the floor. "These are the names of porn stars you suck fucking perverts!"

"What's a porn star?" Neville asked, hoping he wouldn't be killed for asking.

"People who get paid to have sex on camera." Harry said absently, still keeping a firm grip on his wedding tackle.

"You mean that people get paid to have sex in front of a camera?" Ron asked, getting Hermione to sigh before sending a death glare at Harry.

"Yeah, loads of 'em." Harry responded, smiling to Hermione. "I got this bloke if you're wondering, Baby." he said, sliding the card towards her with his foot. He watched as she bent down to look at it and smiled as she gasped.

"These cards use a small form of passive legllimacny to make the correct card come up." she said, a red tinge on her face for a completely different reason. "Does this mean that...?"

"Care to find out?" he asked, smiling at her.

"Lets." she said, running forward to grab him by the arm and drag him off towards their Head's Room.

"What the hell just happened?" Ginny asked, looking at the group sitting around the destroyed table. "Becoming a porn star and get paid to have sex." she muttered, walking over, taking the card from Ron's hand. "Who's The Dark Slut Random Girl Number Four Six Three Nine?"

-

Outside a top secret room that everyone knew about on the seventh floor, the muggle author/musician walked out of the Room of Requirement, glasses askew and clothing disheveled as a group of women followed out after him. The smiled and waved at him and Daphne Greengrass, the last one out, stopped and gave him a long kiss, slipping her address into his back pocket. She winked, gave him another kiss, and walked away, slightly bow-legged. With a shit-eating grin, he walked away (see: stumbled like a drunk) and walked down the wrong corridor, ending up at a door that was locked by magic.

Being that he was not magical, he simply turned the lock that was on the outside of the room for some reason and unlocked the door, walking in. He also never noticed the ward start to go off. He walked towards a desk in the back and saw a piece of paper sitting on it, with the top claiming the paper was called "**THE LIST**" in big bold underlined letters. He looked at it and read down the list, finally noticing a large blank space at the bottom of the last page. Getting an idea and remembering the Dark Wizard card game that he was shown, he pulled out a pen and added to the list with a smirk, signing it with the name that the card game gave him.

With a smile, he walked out of the room, locking it as he left. Now all he needed to do was find that Greengrass girl again.

-

Dumbledore was afraid. The wards on the list had gone off, thus only proving in his mind that Harry was indeed told about The List. There was no other explanation. As he reached the room, he threw the door open and found The List still siting on the desk, only opened. He slowly walked over and looked down at it, only to go cross-eyed as he read it.

-Continued by The Greatest Dark Lord Mandingo-

I will not help Harry Potter play a concert in the Great Hall.

I will not attend an after-concert orgy in the Room of Requirement.

I will not tell the girls in said orgy that I am sterile.

I will not ask Daphne Greengrass if she shaves because the carpet is green.

I will not accept Daphne Greengrass' address and plot to kidnap her to force her to become my sex slave/mistress.

I will not tell Harry Potter about **The List**.

Yes, this "Dark Lord Mandingo" just caused a lot more work for him.

**(A/N2: The Dark Lord Ron Jeremy and Peter the Dark Enforcer of the North are from _Larceny, Lechery, and Luna Lovegood._ Thus, not my original idea. It's a funny as hell story, go read it. If you already have, then go read it again right now. Reading's good for you, damn it. Especially if it's something funny. And perverted. Pervertedly funny.)**


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